Friday, November 20, 2009
SO I HAVE HAD GLASSES SINCE THE 7TH GRADE... BUT HAVE BEEN LOSING MY VISION SINCE THEN..I GOT MY LAST PAIR OF GLASSES BACK IN 2006 MY VISION WAS 20/400 LEGALLY BLIND, YAH EVERY ONE HAS GLASSES BUT THEN THE DOCTOR SAID THERE WAS SMALL THING GROWING ON MY EYE HE SAID IT DOESNT SEEM LIKE IT IS AFFECTING YOUR EYES SO I HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT..WELL MY LOVELY SON THAT HE IS DECIDED TO HELP MOMMY OUT AND LET HER KNOW SHE NEEDS KNEW GLASSES SO HE BROKE MINE COMPLETELY..SO JUST RECENTLY I WENT TO THE DOCTORS FOR AN EYE EXAM..MORE GREAT NEWS CAME..I HAVE BEEN LOSING MY VISION OUT OF MY RIGHT EYE FOR A WHILE NOW..SOME TIMES ITS JUST MY SIDE I CANT SEE OUT OF AND SOME TIMES IT COMPLETELY GOES BLACK.. I LET HIM KNOW THIS SO THAT THING THAT WAS SMALL AND NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT NOW COVERS HALF OF MY EYE.. HE SAIDS IT IS NOT CATERACS HOWEVER THATS SPELLED AND NEEDS MORE TEST..ON TOP OF THAT I HAVE SOMETHING TO WHERE BUMBS GROW ON THE INSIDE OF MY EYE AND NOW HAVE TO TAKE DROPS THE REST OF MY LIFE TO KEEP THEM DOWN IF THAT DONT WORK THEN HE WILL GIVE ME MY OTHER OPTIONS, AND I AM NEVER TO WEAR CONTACTS AGAIN..LASTLY I SEAR NO MATTER WHAT THE DOCTOR DID I COULD NOT SEE OUT OF MY RIGHT EYE..THE ONL Y TIME I COULD WAS WITH MY LEFT EYE OPEN AS WELL...I SWEAR I HATE DOCTORS NEVER HAVE I EVER RECIEVED GOOD NEWS FROM THEM OTHER THEN THE DA I WAS TOLD I WAS PREGNATE.. I NO THERE ARE MANY WAY WORSE THEN ME WHO CAN NOT SEE AT ALL AND WHO DO JUST FIND.. BUT THIS CAUSES A PROBLEM FOR ME I WONT BE ABLE TO DRIVE WONT BE ABLE TO JOIN THE POLICE FORCE AND JUST SEEMS LIKE THIS IS GOING TO MESS ALOT UP FOR ME .. WELL THATS ALL FOR NOW
Friday, November 13, 2009
SO I WORK AT THIS TAX COMPANY FOR TRUCK DRIVERS, YES NOT THE BEST JOB BUT FOR NOW IT'S A JOB.. I AM GOING TO JOIN THE POLICE FORCE BUT HAVE TO WAIT INTIL IM OLD ENOUGH BUMMER..ANYWAYS WE DO PLATES FOR SAFEWAY AND I AM HONESTLY SURPRISED TO KNOW HOW MUCH THEY PAY BUT THE STATE IS STILL BROKE.. LAST YEAR THEY PAID ALMOST A HALF MILL FOR 84 TRUCK PLATES WOW AND WE ARE BROKE WHERE THE HECK IS THAT MONEY GOING ALL THEY GET IS A PIECE OF PAPER FOR EACH TRUCK..ANY WAYS I THINK OUR GOVERMENT NEEDS TO START PRIORITIZING THINGS AND INSTEAD OF GIVING THERE EMPLOYERS NEW CARS TO DRIVE MAKE THEM DRIVE THEIR OWN SERIOUSLY.. WELL TODAYS BEEN PRETTY OK WISH I COULD TALK TO HIM..BUT HE'S BEING A BUTT LOL JUST LIKE A WOMEN LOL..HE BETTER GO MAKE ME A SANDWHICH ..HONESTLY I BEEN THINKING ALOT ABOUT EVERYTHING.. FIRST ABOUT YOSIYAH.. YES HE DOES HAVE A FATHER, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE HE ONLY IS THERE WHEN IT CONVINENT FOR HIM.. YOSIYAH NEEDS SOMEONE TO PLAY BALL WITH, TO KICK THE BALL AROUND, AS OF RIGHT NOW I DONT GET TO SEE HIM ALOT AND WISH I COULD, BETWEEN WORKING 9-5 JUST DONT GET MUCH TIME WITH HIM.. BUT I DO MY BEST WHEN I GET HOME AND ON THE WEEKENDS, BUT I NO HE NEEDS A MAN FIGURE, HIS FATHER IS GOOD TO HIM JUST WISH HE WOULD SPEND MORE TIME WITH HIM.. WELL ALL I CAN DO RIGHT NO IS BE THERE FOR HIM IN EVERY WAY.. I LOVE THAT LITTLE BOY.. IT'S GREAT BECAUSE HE IS WILD LIKE ME AND WE HAVE SO MUCH FUN TOGETHER..HE ALWAYS MAKES ME LAUGH.. THE OTHER NIGHT I WAS CRYING A ND WENT TO THE ROOM WHILE HE PLAYED, HE COMES THROUGH THE DOOR AND LOOKS AT ME , I LOOK UP AT HIM WITH TEARS IN M EYES, HE COMES OVER AND SAIDS MAMA NO WIPES MY EYES AND KISSES ME ON THE CHEECK THEN GIVE S ME HIS BUTTERFLY KISSES, I SMILED HE IS VERY SMART AND KNOWS WHEN IM DOWN AND KNOWS HOW TO BRING ME UP..HE IS MY PRIDE AND JOY AND AM VERY VERY THANKFUL I HAVE HIM..
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
SO TODAY STARTED WELL..YOSIYAH WOKE ME UP ASUAL WITH A KISS AND A SMAKE ON THE STOMACH FOLLOWED BY MAMA.. HE'S MY ALARM CLOCK THAT NEVER FAILS LOL..HE'S BEEN SPEAKING ALOT OF SPANISH MORE THEN ENGLISH SO I BEEN TRYING TO SPEAK TO HIM MORE IN ENGLISH..BUT HE LOOKS AT ME ALL THE TIME WITH A CONFUSSED LOOK UNTIL I TELL HIM IN SPANISH...SO ITS HARD NOT TO SPEAK TO HIM IN SPANISH..ANYWAYS SO WE WERE LEAVING HE GRABS THE DIAPER BAG AND TELLS ME MAMA VAMOS LOL WAS THE CUTTEST THING...WELL SO IM MOVING INTO A BIGGER PLACE EXCITED TO HAVE A BIGGER PLACE FOR THE BABY BUT KIND OF NERVOUS I STILL AM NOT USE TO BEING HOME ALONE AND STILL GET SCARED AND LONELY.. BUT IM EXCITED.. AND MAYBE IN LESS THEN A YEAR IT WILL BE PERFECT HAHA.. I CAN'T WAIT.. IM ALSO EXCITED FOR SUNDAY.. IT WILL BE THE FIRST TIME SINCE YOSIYAH BLESSING THAT I ATTEND CHURCH.. BEFORE THAT IT WAS ALMOST 2 YEARS.. I HAVE BEEN PUSHING IT OFF BECAUSE WHEN I HAD YOSIYAH BLESSED IT WAS HONESTLY THE WORST FEELING I HAVE EVER FELT.. IT SEEMED TO ME MANY THAT I LOVED AND CARED FOR WERE SHUTTING ME OUT.. BUT I DID NOT LET THAT BE A REASON TO DENY MY SON A BLESSING..THEN AFTER A MAN THAT RAISED ME PRETTY MUCH MADE ME FEEL HE WORST WHEN HE SEEN ME VISIT A FREIND AND I RAN INTO HIM THERE..SO SINCE THEN I JUST FELT LIKE WHY BOTHER..I HAVNT PRAYED BECAUSE I FEEL UNWORTHY TO SINCE I DO NOT ATTEND.. I DO NOT DENY MY LORD AND WILL NEVER.. I STILL BELEAVE AND KNOW THE CHURCH IS WHAT ALWAYS BROUGHT ME GREAT HAPPINESS..BUT I HAVE DECIDED THAT I NEED TO GO BACK.. THE OPINION OF OTHERS SHOULD NOT BE A REASON TO DENY MYSELF AND MY SON A LIFE WITH OUR HEAVENLY FATHER..SO I AM EXCITED TO RETURN.. EVER SINCE VISITING THE SALT LAKE TEMPLE I KNOW THATS WHERE I WANT TO BE MARRIED AND SEALED TO MY FAMILY..I KNOW YOSIYAH WILL NOT LIKE NURSURY HE'S A SHY BABY SO THAT WILL HAVE TO BE WORKED ON BUT I KNOW THAT IN THE END HE WILL LOVE IT..
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
OK..Well i met this wonderful guy when i was 15teen.. Since then i have been head over heel's for him.. haha it was funny i remember when i told him i loved him..almost scared him away..i have always been the one to be open and out there with how i felt.. we dated and had great times together.. from just hanging out with my bothers or staying up till 3 am and my dad take him home i was always smiling with him..even when we were going to be kinapped because he's a softie and decided to help a man out with money and follow him back at 1 am in the morning..then the guy decided to follow us...we hid behind a trash can and called the police..then got a ride back to a freinds house..we were so scared they thought it was funny not at all..but by the end of the night we were laughing..well then since he is older his time came to serve our lord..i took this hard and bad..he was leaving at a time i needed him..so i never said goodbye.. i know he needed to go and did not want him to stay but still was upset.. well during the two years he was gone my parents got a divorce and i started straying from the church..m faith was dimm..but one day out of the blue i got this call..i knew he was home and was so happy his voice was on the other..i had alot of news for him..yosiyah was a couple months old and i know he was shocked..well we talked and cought up then i hung up the phone i really didnt expect to talk to him again because i had a son..seemed to me the ones i loved pushed me away because they disapproved of my son outside of marriag.. me and yosiyah father broke it off and went our seperate ways..and then my special someone was there for me..he's always cared about me and been there for me through everything..and never once judged me..he's had a open and understanding heart..so recently i went to visit him thanks to some freinds...and it had been a year almost since i last seen him..when i seen him the first time my heart started racing..i was llike why is this happeniing i've known him for 5 years..but i knew it was because he's the one..iam not scared to say it because in my heart i know we will end together..he's the one who makes me smile, makes me be better and who i know will love yosiyah..and i know many doubt my belife in the church ..but i do love my heavenly father very much and am not ashamed nor do i doubt him..and when i visited the temple i realized he was still by myside..and knew that i will one day be married there in his house..and i will not settle for nothing less..i know that he will be the one to take me there.. i beleave he is the one..but i am waiting paitently for him..
Where do i start..
well yosiyah is a Year & a Half now time sure does fly by..pregnancy was such a scary time for me it felt like forever..between dilating 3cm at 21 to being in the hospital most of the time..i was constantly scared for him..every week seemed the news kept getting worse..dilating more and more..Him sitting to low..my cervic not big enough to hold him..so the hospital was my second home by my 25th week..those shots they give you for contractions are no fun, i know i was in and out of the hospital everyday for them took allday had to have them in segments and yosiyah just wanted out..but he made it to 37 weeks..then they enduced me because i was swelling it was finally time for my little boy..labor was all of 30min..i was already dilated 8 cm from week 32..three pushes and my son went flying..really i thought they were going to drop him..i am glad i did it natural because im sure it wouldnt of been as easy as it was..i guess my pregnacy was worse then delivery..now i look at my little boy and am amazed at him..he's so smart and teaches me new things..i thought i would be teaching him but he has as well..he's tought me patients..one day was feeling sick and yosiyah knows how to get into the fridge..so he decided to decorate my living room floor in chocolate and strawberry syrup ..thought it would help and came and gave me a kiss with chocolate everywhere..i never thought how much i could love something so little so much..and its crazy to look back to when he was born all of 5 lbs struggling to breath to now a strong smart little boy who always puts a smile on my face..